Beginnings

It’s been a month of me having this website, and I’m just now writing my first post. Why, you might ask, would you start a blog and then let it sit in empty existence? Because the idea of getting on here and sharing my thoughts with a public audience is extremely mildly terrifying. Akin to the thought of walking into a room full of people and realizing I know none of them. Please let me go hide in a corner. Additionally, I constantly struggle with feeling as if I have nothing to say of interest on a blog, nothing to keep people reading (or bring in readers at all, in my current case). Blah blah, your typical writer insecurities.
But here I go anyway, whether or not this post makes any cohesive sense and whether or not anyone even sees it.
Here it is:
My first post.

I’m starting a Whole30 tomorrow. If you’ve read my bio, you’ll know that I did one at the beginning of last year. Completing my first Whole30 is what kick-started me eating Paleo and has honestly changed my life a great deal. Not only did I lose a significant amount of weight, I was able to grab hold of my life and carve meaning out of a giant wad of self-loathing and hopelessness.

To backtrack.
I know I’m not alone in saying this: I was not prepared to graduate college. Sure I had some ideas about what life would be like once I no longer had to go to class and write essay after endless essay… but those ideas were a wee bit off from what actually occurred. Yeah, you think that you’ll be unemployed for a bit. Yeah, you know that sucks conceptually. But my sleep-deprived brain thought that a few months off would be nice, and that unemployment surely couldn’t last forever.
After about a month of being unemployed and being back home I realized both of those thoughts were wrong. I had yet to find a job. I did not have a car. In my depressed desperation, I was trying to find hobbies to fill the endless days (when I wasn’t job-seeking, naturally) such as painting–for which I have no natural ability–and Netflix-binging, and avoiding the things I knew I could do–such as writing. And so began the bitterness and mild depression that I think all graduates have to grapple with at some point after they walk across the stage and flip their tassel on their mortarboard. I let mine get a little out of hand, however, when I simply refused to deal with my life and my problems. Oh man, I had a lot of problems; even during my 4 years of school I had a lot of issues come up that I tried to stuff away in some dark corner of my mind and ignore, hoping they would someday just evaporate and be no more. Obvs, that didn’t happen.
All of that to say, one side effect of my inability to deal was that I gained a lot of weight in school. And I didn’t lose very much after graduation due to me mostly sitting around and watching How I Met Your Mother. I was overweight, angry, unhappy, and unemployed. Christmas of 2013, I looked in a mirror and realized how much I hated the person who was looking back at me. I realized that I was ready to finally do something to make me hate her less, at least a little bit. Though I can honestly say I have never in my life made New Year’s resolutions that I followed through with, I made a list of goals that night that I wanted to achieve in the coming year.

The scariest and seemingly most unattainable goal on my list was to lose weight via eating better and exercise.

So 3 days before Valentine’s Day, 2014, I began my first Whole30. I did it in a desperate attempt to reset my ridiculously awful eating habits so that I might be able to lose a little weight. I could tell it was a fairly intense challenge, but I still did not expect too much from it besides hopefully losing some weight.
Oh, if I had known the changes that would take place during those 30 days. I mean, CHANGES. I lost 25 pounds. I started sleeping better. I woke up more easily in the mornings (even despite my job requiring me to be at work at 5AM on a regular basis). I could think more clearly. And… I was happier. I kid you not. I was genuinely beginning to feel like myself again. Maybe it was the realization that I was finally doing something good for me again, maybe it was the fact that I cut out so much processed crap and sugar. But between me drastically changing my eating patterns and getting back into habits I had given up in the past years (such as journaling), I can honestly say that I began to feel more like a person again. It had been way too long since I had felt that way, and I’m ashamed that it took me so long to realize that I had let it get so bad.
It’s been a long year, but a really rewarding one in many ways.

I decided that I want to try to do a Whole30 at least once a year, and my eating habits are getting pretty sloppy lately, sooo… here I am on the eve of my second 30-day life makeover. I’m trying not to have too high hopes for it, because I know it will be different than my first one and that it won’t have the same euphoric feelings due to the fact that I currently eat 70% Paleo already. I’ve also already tried to start one this year with abysmal results. This time, however, I’m ready. I went shopping and spent a crap ton of moola on fresh produce and meats, and I’m going to clean out my fridge and pantry tonight in order to get rid of any temptations. I’m hoping to lose some of the pudge around my midsection, to sleep a little more soundly at night, to stop craving ice cream so damn much, and to have a more positive outlook on my life in general.
Additionally, it’s my goal to blog through the next 30 days. Not every post will be long or riveting (if any are riveting at all, ha!), but it will keep me accountable and will keep me writing.

Wish me luck, dear reader. I’m going to need it.

***For more information regarding the Whole30, jump over to www.whole30.com to read oodles of information about the entire program, how to get started, and some great resources to keep you informed and accountable during the 30 days.***

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